Figuring Out My Calling: Contemplative Photography

     Last summer, I began this blog with the idea to explore ideas about mindfulness as it connects to photography and teaching.   As I've blogged about my own pictures and conversations I've had about photography with my friend Grace, it became very clear to me that we both use the art of photography as a way to be mindful of the world around us and to relax.  However, it wasn't until a few weeks ago that I discovered that there is an actual term for this type of photography, contemplative photography, and other people who write books and blog about it.  Now, one of my favorite books about photography is called, The Practice of Contemplative Photography: Seeing the World with Fresh Eyes, by Andy Karr and Michael Wood.  It is teaching me more about one of my favorite arts and providing me with exercises to further enhance my ability to be mindful and artistic.

     To put it quite simply, contemplative photography helps the photographer to be mindful of the world around her and to live an artistic life.  According to Karr and Wood, "training in contemplative photography will deepen your ability to live a creative, artistic life...appreciating the details of our ordinary existence.  The practice of contemplative photography will definitely increase your appreciation of the world around you, which is infinitely richer than you could ever imagine."  They go on further to describe the contemplative mind as being "free from preoccupation."  They describe a mind that is open, fresh, and receptive to whatever arises...a mind that is not bound up with either thoughts or emotions.

    Filled with beautiful and thought-provoking pictures that serve as illustrations of this concept, the book also contains many interesting exercises that enhance the photographer's ability to enter a contemplative state of mind.  According to Karr and Wood, the "purpose of these assignments is to help you connect directly with the visual world and to express that experience photographically.  Assignments provide specific intentions for you to work with....The assignments have been developed for the purpose of training...as methods to help you align eye and mind."



     Today I tried out the first assignment and really enjoyed the experience.  First Assignment: Color.
Here were the guidelines for this assignment:


Look at color out of context without labeling it, without conceptual knowledge of what you are looking at.  Just think about it as flashes of color.


Guidelines:
1.  Black, white, gray, beige, are not colors 
2.  Look for bold, vivid colors
3.  No graphic designs, words, letters, numbers, flowers, nature
4.  Get in close and don't shoot anything extra


The assignment further instructs the photographer to:
--stop physically when stopped by a flash of color.  Spend half a minute looking further, contemplating what stopped you without lifting your camera.


--understand what you see-- Where does your perception start/end?  What's included/what's not? Is the perception horizontal or vertical?


--Look at the perception through your viewfinder and ask if that is what stopped you


The assignment even gives photographers a way to walk away from a shot without frustration:
When you struggle to take a picture or lose track of what stopped you, walk away & start over




      What I love about contemplative photography can best be summed up by Beumont Newhall, a photographer, writer, and curator.  "We are not interested in the unusual, but in the usual seen unusually."  This first assignment of Color certainly helped me to see color in a new way today as well as ordinary objects within my neighborhood.

The photograph above was my favorite from the Color Assignment.  On my own, I never would have thought to just isolate the colors as a point of interest for a picture.  My eyes will definitely be more open in the future towards this type of composition.

The same flashes of color from a different perspective...

I like how this picture shows swatches of colors, making a three dimensional space appear to be two dimensional.

After my experience with the Color Assignment today, I am looking forward to future assignments and how they will help me be even more mindful of my environment.  I also recently discovered a website for this book that contains the assignments and a gallery with readers' photos who have completed each assignment.   http://seeingfresh.com/

Random Acts of Mindfulness: Three Examples in Two Days

     Stressed out this past week, I became so absorbed in way too many details that I forgot to be mindful-- forgot to slow down and be aware of the present moment.  Just within the past two days, three examples of mindfulness presented themselves to me.  They reminded me of the power and the impact of awareness of the present, of the here and now.

1.  Driving home from work on a sunny Friday afternoon, I witnessed a scene that is rare in the frantic, quick-paced world in which many of us live.  As my car slowly crept up to a red stoplight, I glanced to my right and noticed a vehicle that had stopped in the lane next to mine.  The driver hopped out of his car, closed the driver's side door, and began pushing the back of his pick-up truck.  Immediately, a man dressed in a suit on the sidewalk, walked straight up to the man and volunteered to push the truck while the owner started his car back up.  No sooner had the man placed his keys in the ignition, then another man, more casually dressed, ran over from the sidewalk to help push the truck into a parking spot about 100 feet away on the side of the road.  Halfway towards its destination, a man riding his bicycle toward the scene, promptly parked his bike and joined in on the effort.  Still wearing his helmet, he too pushed the truck from behind.  Three strangers, suddenly united by an event that they had witnessed, jumped to action as they were mindful of the moment and aware of how their actions would positively affect others.  At the end of a crazybusy week, this scene was inspiring.

2.  This afternoon I enjoyed a relaxing lunch with my good friend Nancy and a former colleague of ours.  I loved the cafe.   The atmosphere speaks to me with its multiple areas for dining (some tables and some comfortable couches and chairs), a delicious menu, and flyers that adorn the bulletin boards announcing concerts for singer/songwriters and book clubs that meet in the cafe.   While waiting for our meal, we began chatting with one of the owners of the cafe who spoke of the multiple activities she manages to squeeze into her week including working at the cafe as well as taking a class.  It turned out that her class is none other than the Stressed Based Reduction Workshop at MGH, created by Jon Kabat-Zinn.  She talked with us about meditation, full body scans, exercises on CDs, and the effect that the techniques are having on her life.  Although she mentioned that she initially had difficulty getting into the techniques, as she has continued with the course, she has been realizing the benefits that they have had in helping her to slow down and relax.  Listening to her speak reminded me of the impact that every mindfulness workshop that I have taken has had on me.   It was a great reminder for me of why it is so important to keep up with mindfulness practices, especially during times of increased stress and busyness.  It is precisely when I have the least time for mindfulness practices that they are the most important to include into my daily routine.

3.  After lunch I was nervous about driving home since I was in an area that I don't normally drive to.  Mapquesting directions to get there, I had forgotten to write down directions for the way home.   Notorious for my lack of a sense of direction, my friends are usually patient with me in describing different routes, drawing out maps for me, and describing landmarks.  One friend described multiple ways that I could drive and with each option, my eyes glazed over more and more as I lost track of the street names and the turns.  Nancy turned to me and said, "You can follow me.  I am going in the same direction."  Mindful of how stressed out I become about driving in unknown locations, not only did she volunteer to lead me to the correct place until I knew where I was going, Nancy was also incredibly aware of where my car was as I followed her.   There were multiple occasions where it would have been very easy for her to lose me whether it was driving around a rotary, being stopped at a stoplight after she had driven through the yellow light, or having a huge truck enter the highway.   Each and every time Nancy made sure that I could still find her car-- even pulling over to the side of the road to wait for me.  I deeply appreciated the care that she took to make sure that I did not get lost, especially as the dark sky threatened an imminent thunder storm!


Mindful acts can take many forms-- whether they consist of being aware of a scene unfolding before us, learning and practicing mindfulness techniques to reduce stress in our daily lives, or being aware of how our actions positively affect others.  Acts of mindfulness are inspiring, invigorating, and relaxing for me.   As I enter a very last seven weeks of school, I hope that I remember to take time to be mindful.

An Asthmatic Unravels the Mysteries of Breathing: Being Mindful of Relaxation Techniques

          Although my asthma has been awful this past week due to high pollen counts, the last few months have been filled with aha moments and new insights for me in how my breathing works.  Reflecting on what I've learned about how I breathe throughout the years has helped me to understand what types of relaxation techniques are helpful for me.  Being mindful of my body and my health continually leads me to learn about what helps me to feel centered and calm.

          As an asthmatic, the idea of mindful breathing as a relaxation technique is a paradox for me.  For most people, taking deep breaths in and out is an exercise that helps to center and calm them.  As someone who has breathing issues, this strategy is hit or miss for me.  Sometimes it is relaxing and at others, all I want to do is not think about how my breathing is off—whether it is shallow, staggered, hyperventilating, gasping, etc.   At these times, focusing on the act of breathing is anxiety provoking, not relaxing.

         Throughout the years, I’ve learned different techniques to help me relax when my breathing is compromised.  In high school, I saw a great allergist who helped me to distinguish between what were allergic symptoms and what was hyperventilating from a panic attack.  Strategies such as breathing into a paper bag or into my cupped hands helped to regulate my breathing, bringing more carbon dioxide into my system and helping to slow down my quickened heartbeat.  Doing this helped to relax me.

          About ten years later, I became interested in learning how to breathe correctly since the common phrase, “Just slowly take some deep breaths”, has never made sense to me.  I signed up for a breathing workshop involving taking deep breaths while watching and feeling one’s stomach rise and fall.  I could never seem to make my stomach rise and fall consistently in a steady pattern.  Rather than a relaxing exercise, it was a frustrating one.  I could never figure out why I couldn’t breathe correctly until several years later when I was diagnosed with asthma.

         Coming to understand my inability to feel my stomach muscles has also helped inform how my breathing has not worked correctly.   Around the same time I officially became an asthmatic, I was also going to physical therapy.  My physical therapist informed me that I had poor core stability when she watched in amazement as I could not even complete one sit-up!  It took about two months of working with her twice a week before I was able to start feeling and understanding the stomach muscles that I was supposed to be using in doing some of the exercises.  Before then, it was as if my body didn’t even acknowledge those muscles.

         Fast forward several years later when I started going to acupuncture.  One of the many symptoms that I am treated for is digestive issues and there are four stomach points that I usually receive directly on my stomach.  Within weeks, I began feeling more definition in my stomach muscles and I remember telling my acupuncturist, “Oh, these are the muscles my physical therapist has been talking about!”  When I performed the physical therapy exercises I could feel myself using these muscles in a way that I hadn’t been able to before.  Very cool!

          It was also during these acupuncture sessions that I continued to discover how different my breathing was from most people’s.   My acupuncturist knows me very well and she can often anticipate which points might sting or hurt a little bit going in.  She used to give me the advice of breathing out to help me relax before she put them in.  Strangely though, I discovered that breathing in actually helped me more than the breathing out.  She remarked that she had never seen that before but that if it worked for me, than go for it!

              I started realizing that that tendency to breathe in rather than out to relax as well my inability to consistently feel some of my stomach muscles were contributing to some of my difficulties in breathing.  This was confirmed about two years ago when my acupuncturist introduced me to some incredible herbs that dramatically affected my breathing in the most positive way!  For the first time, when I breathed, I felt that my lungs were connected to my stomach.  I could actually feel the breath moving between my lungs and my stomach.  I had never felt that sensation before—either my lungs had filled with air or my stomach filled with air, but never at the same time.  It felt as though a tube had opened up between both parts of my body, allowing an open exchange of oxygen.   It took me several weeks to adjust to this new way of breathing but boy did it feel great!

              Over the course of the several years that I have seen my acupuncturist, she has described to me how my diaphragm does not fully expand all of the time.  (One of the main reasons why the advice to “Just Take Deep Breaths” does not really work for me!)   I’ve never been able to consistently take deep breaths where both my lungs and stomach filled with air.   A few months ago, I had an “Aha Moment” as to how to really take deep breaths.  In March, the fourth and fifth graders at my school have been taking the MCAS test.    One of the fourth graders became very anxious and my friend Grace engaged her in "Brownie Breathing".  Rather than tell her to take deep breaths, she asked her to imagine breathing in the smell of a brownie.  (Yum!)   As she instructed the student, she acted out what this meant by raising her arms and her chest up.  There was something about seeing the actual movement that helped me to understand how to take in that deep breath.  I loved the idea of focusing on a smell as a way of regulating breathing, rather than the breath itself.

Driving to school a few days later, I realized that I was doing the same thing upon witnessing an incredible sunrise-- but instead of focusing on a smell, I was focusing on a sight.  When I became aware of one of the most glorious sunrises that I have ever seen, I felt my lungs expand and my stomach rise.  I felt my body fill up with air and feelings of calmness and serenity wash over me.  I felt my lungs and my chest rise up.

A few days later when I was feeling stressed, I imagined seeing that sunrise and my body automatically went through the same motions of taking in the deep breaths.  By repeatedly imagining the sunrise, I could replicate the deep breath over and over.  In doing this, I became aware of what stomach muscles I was using to do this, the same ones that I had started to become aware of in acupuncture.  It was a new sensation for me.  Over the past few months I have been practicing that movement of “Sunrise Breathing.”  It has started to become easier and easier for me to initiate the act of deep breathing and to use it when I am feeling stressed.  It does help me feel more centered and calm.  Very cool!

Photo by Susan Erickson 

The last piece of this whole breathing puzzle fell into place a few weeks ago upon viewing my friend Susan’s incredible picture that she took one morning before school.  I love the way that light is dispersed in this picture—it has a light, airy, and mystical feel to it.  For some reason, as I was practicing my breathing one day I began imagining this image.  I started thinking about the breath and the oxygen moving through my body like the light in the picture.  Thinking about the air expanding in a light and airy way helped my lungs, my stomach, my diaphragm to expand more fully.  The combination of “Sunrise Breathing” with this visualization technique has furthered my ability to breathe in a way that is more like the way most people breathe.

Although it is difficult for me to access my new found breathing techniques when I have asthma flare-ups, I am becoming more adept at accessing them when I am feeling stressed.  By practicing my breathing techniques during times when I feel calm, it increases my ability to use them more successfully when I am feeling stressed.  I hear that meditation works in a similar way.  Although my asthma has been acting up, I feel encouraged that I have been learning new ways to regulate my breathing.

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To Readers of My Blog:   In what ways does being mindful about your body help you feel more centered and calm?   How does it help you to relax?

          

Magical Places; Inspiring, Life Changing, Comforting

     A magical place is where something extraordinary and incredible happens that makes you look at the world in a different way.  Magical places can be inspiring, life changing, comforting or all of the above.  For me, one of my favorite magical places is the baseball field beside the parking lot at my school.  One crisp fall day in 2009, I pulled my car into the parking lot and the most amazing sight lay right before my eyes-- sunlight streaming in through the tree branches.  As one of my friends commented, "It was raining sun!"

     Excitedly, I ran into the school building to borrow a camera from my friend, Grace.  I couldn't wait to capture these incredible images on film.  And that's when my love of nature photography was born.  Beautiful scenes, click of a camera, upload to a computer, share pictures with friends-- I'm sold!

     Not even a month later, another breathtaking scene lay before me as I pulled my car up to the same parking lot.  The lighting, the clouds, the patterns-- Wow!

     Fast forward to around this time last year-- March 10, 2010.  22 years ago to that day, my dad had passed away in a car accident.  That morning, before school, although I had a to-do list a mile long, I did not feel compelled to do any of it.  I had a feeling that if I went to the magical field, something special would happen.  And indeed it did.  

     Armed with my digital camera, I stood in them middle of the magical field waiting for a spectacular scene to unfold.  Although I did take a few pretty good shots, that's not where the magic happened.  It happened after I stopped taking pictures.

     Standing still in the middle of the magical field, a stillness, a calm, came over me.  I became highly attuned to the sounds (the soft rustling of the leaves), the sights (the color of the leaves and the morning sunlight peaking through the branches).  And then I heard it...a voice inside of me...my dad speaking to me.

     Walking back into the school building, I was inspired.  A poem just seemed to pour out from me as I sat at the wooden bench seat, at a window that overlooks the river flowing behind my school.  


                                     
                                                    Morning Whisper

                                                                   Dad spoke to me this morning
                                                                    Not in a loud booming voice
                                                                      but in a quiet, steady whisper
                                                                         "I am here."

                                                                   Amidst frost-tinged grass
                                                                    Piercing cold air penetrating my fingertips, my lungs
                                                                       Shadows cast across the field by trees
                                                                          "I am here."


                                                                   In the calls of the morning birds
                                                                     The sliver moon waving from between tree branches
                                                                        Morning sunlight streaming from brilliant blue sky
                                                                           "I am here."


                                                                  Standing real still
                                                                     Crunchy, frozen leaves underfoot
                                                                        I breathe in dad's voice
                                                                           As he speaks to me.




The poem was very comforting to me and much more important than the other things on my to-do list that morning, which I have long since forgotten.  Even now, writing about this almost a year later, the poem comforts me as the 23rd anniversary of my dad's death approaches.  This field has convinced me of the importance of allowing ourselves to be open to the power of magical places.



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To the readers of my blog:  I would love to hear about one of your magical places and why it is magical for you.  If you feel inspired, please leave a comment.                  

Rediscovering Photography: My "Flow" Activity

On Saturday, I had the wonderful opportunity to attend a mindfulness workshop through the Karuna School in Lincoln, Massachusetts led by Daniel Rechtschaffen.  He talked about how life moves so quickly.  We get shaken up like snow globes and our minds keep going.  Mindfulness is the practice of letting our minds relax, befriending and taming our minds with discipline and care, with sweet dedication and steadfast determination.

One of the mindfulness practices Daniel discussed and had us practice was meditation.  As an asthmatic, traditional meditation practices of focusing on my breathing often do not work for me.  In fact, they can be some of the most stressful activities!  So I was very excited when Daniel taught us some breathing actvities that linked movements with breathing.  Shifting the attention from the act of breathing allowed me to relax and opened my lungs right up!

Another type of mindfulness Daniel discussed was the mind in motion-- being in the zone as with sports or a favorite activity.  A workshop participant mentioned the idea of "flow" (when one is thoroughly engaged in an activity) which Daniel said was the same idea. 

Photography is a "flow" activity for me.  When I take a camera in my hands and take pictures, especially outside, I become totally absorbed in the momeny-- my focus completely tuned into the light, the shadows, the colors, the composition.

For the past three weeks, there has been no photography.  My computer, sent away to be fixed, has left me without my store of pictures on iphoto.  Last week, my friend Grace called me out on my flimsy excuse for not taking pictures-- telling me that I still had iphoto on the "loaner" computer that I've been using and that I could store my photos on my memory card.  Very true, I thought.  As a result, I've carried my camera with me for the past few days-- without actually using it until early this afternoon.  Something about the bright fire orange red leaves called out to me in the front of my school building....

as well as the last few leaves left dangling on another tree...

Then as I drove to a meeting across town, more magnificent trees called out to me, literally bursting with color.  So I pulled my car over to the side of the road and began snapping again....

Driving home from my meeting, the world seemed suddenly more vibrant.  Inspiration struck and drew me towards one of my favorite spots, a place that I have not visited for far too long, Spy Pond.

You can't get much more New England than this-- rowing crew on a pond with the beautiful fall foliage!

According to Daniel, the world isn't boring.  The world is miraculous and we are the ones who are shut down if we feel bored.  He says that boredom is a smokescreen over the present moment when your connection to the magic of the world is severed.

Until my photography expedition this afternoon, I did not realize how "bored" I've been the last few weeks without my camera.  As Daniel says, "The more mindful you are, the more wonder there is out there."  Driving around this afternoon, the New England fall landscape appeared magical and wondrous.


Questions to Ponder:

1.  What is your "flow" activity?
2.  How do you feel when you're engaged in your "flow activity"?
3.  When do you feel in the zone?

Mindfulness Exercise: Eating a Raisin

Today I had the wonderful opportunity to attend a day long mindfulness workshop through the Karuna School in Lincoln led by Daniel Rechtschaffen.  During this workshop, I learned some new mindfulness exercises for myself and my students, some new breathing exercises, and some new ways to engage in meditative activities even when my asthma/allergies are bothering me (and yes, they did flare up today in the middle of the workshop!)

One activity today that I got a lot out of involved a raisin.  Perhaps it was because we had been engaging in quiet activities leading up to it, but my senses seemed to be heightened, enhancing the experience.

In writing this blog entry, I debated whether or not to write about what I experienced during this activity.  Ultimately, I decided not to because I do not want to superimpose my experience for anyone who wants to try it on their own.

1.  Take two raisins-- place one in each hand.   Roll them around, feel them with your fingertips. What do they feel like?   Squish them a little bit.  How does that feel?

2.  Close your eyes.  Put the raisin up to your nose.  Really take in the smell.  What does it smell like?  Put the other raisin up to your nose.  Does it have the same smell as the first one or do they smell different?

3.  Place one raisin on your tongue. Close your mouth.  Roll it around with your tongue  and move it around your mouth.  Pay attention to the way your tongue moves.  What does it feel like?  What do you taste?


4.  Eat your raisin slowly.  Notice the way your jaw moves, your tongue moves.  What was it like to eat the raisin?  What did it taste like?  Repeat the same thing with the second raisin.  Was the experience the same?  Did the two raisins taste the same?


As I participated in this activity, I was surprised-- learned things and experienced sensations that I did not expect to.  This is an open invitation to anyone who would like to try this.  Go to your cupboards, your cabinets, your shelves, your local grocery store and open up a box of raisins and eat one as if for the first time.  Feel free to leave a comment about your experience.  I'm also curious about what this activity is like for other types of food.  If anyone tries something else, I'd be interested in hearing about your experiences too.

Photography as an Exercise in Mindfulness

Mindfulness is all about being fully present in the moment. When we live mindfully we are more fully aware of our experiences and surroundings, inquisitive about the world around us, and attentive to the people with whom we interact. Many mindfulness practices involve exercises and activities that help us to focus in on and pay attention to our senses in the present moment.

I enjoy using photography as an exercise in mindfulness. For me, the process of taking pictures allows me to be fully present in the moment-- choosing the subject of my picture, determining what I want the composition to look like, what aspects of the scene I want to make sure to include, and from what angle I want to take the picture. In making these decisions, I try to create pictures that are interesting and thought provoking. I hope that people will engage with my photographs by stopping to think about them and asking questions.

According to Marcel Proust, "The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes." I try to capture images that inspire people to see the the ordinary world in a new way. I believe that seeing things from different perspectives causes us to be present in the moment, pay attention, ask questions, and be curious-- the cornerstones of mindfulness.

In taking photographs, there are several ways that I play around with the perspective to hopefully make them more interesting, thought provoking, and engaging. One aspect that I enjoy experimenting with is the orientation of my pictures. Instead of always taking pictures straight on, at times, I've taken pictures diagonally to highlight a specific feature of the scene, such as in the picture below:

                                                       


In this picture, the diagonal orientation makes it more interesting-- emphasizing the curve of the path, bringing some movement into the picture.  Looking at it, I think about what it would feel like riding a bike around the curve.  Examining the scene from this angle makes me engage with the picture-- I wonder what objects are causing which shadows.

Another way that I play around with the orientation of a picture is by rotating it in iphoto after I have downloaded the image onto my computer.   Simply rotating the photograph 90 or 180 degrees can change the way viewers interact with it.  The picture below was rotated 90 degrees from the original photograph.

                                            
My friend Grace commented, "Really interesting-- I love the darkness of the branch contrasting with the green."  I was glad that Grace's attention was drawn to the branch and the contrast.  The original photograph looked too ordinary, with the branch simply hanging downward.  As a result, the eye did not immediately focus on these aspects of the picture.  However, by rotating the picture, the viewer does not settle easily into the picture and needs to figure out exactly what he or she is looking at.   This forces the viewer to pay more attention to the details, making it more likely that the viewer will be more mindful of specifics and not glance right over them.

Another way that I like to experiment with the perspective of a picture is by playing around with the zoom feature on my camera and the cropping function on iphoto.  Zooming in on a particular subject makes myself and the viewer more mindful of specific details-- causing us to pay more attention to them and ask questions.  Looking at an object close up can also evoke an emotional response, such as with this picture below.

This picture was cropped from the original so that the stick and the cracking ice became the focal point of the composition.  The image is grabbing-- evoking very emotional responses from viewers.  My friend Caroline commented, "It has a violent feeling about it, yet it's so natural and innocuous at the same time.  Cool concept."  My friend Brenda responded, "It looks a little scary to me, as if the ice is cracking, but it's very artistic."  The viewers are interacting with the photograph, being mindful in the moment about their feelings.

Zooming in on a subject can also make the viewer ask questions about the scene, such as with the picture below.

Looking at this picture, I wonder what happened to the pumpkin?  How was it smashed?  How long has it been lying here?  Why was it smashed?  What was the emotion behind the smashing?  Was it a prank or was someone really upset, knocking the pumpkin down in an angry rage?

Last, zooming in on a subject can make the viewer mindful of details and patterns within the picture.  Look closely at the picture of the frog below.

Take a minute to examine what Grace noticed, "the markings on the frog and how it blends in with the green."  What else do you notice?

I enjoy using photography to help me engage more mindfully with the world around me.  To capture images that are hopefully interesting and thought provoking for my viewers, I use photographic techniques such as experimenting with the orientation of pictures, rotating pictures, zooming in closely, and cropping pictures.  Hopefully my photographs can get my viewers to see the ordinary world in a new way, causing them to think about things from a different perspective and to engage in the world mindfully by asking questions.


Questions to Ponder:  How can you use art (photography, drawing, painting, poetry, sculpting) to be more mindful of the world around you?  How can you engage your senses to be fully present in the moment?  What kinds of things are you curious about?  What activities and interests do you engage in that are thought provoking for you and cause you to ask questions?